I’m standing on my own dock, in my own plot, in my own brand-new house… and I’m about to lose my mind.
There’s still no proper place to relieve myself.
I have spent the last two days squatting behind rocks or running down to the beach like some kind of beach-hobo priest. The palm trees don’t provide enough cover. The lizards watch me. I am this close to just digging a hole and calling it “modern landscaping.”
So I did something desperate.
I scribbled a quick note and had a courier take it straight to the sanctuary district. I spent ten minutes rewriting it so it wouldn’t sound too desperate… and failed miserably.
“Ardan, I desperately need you. Come now. 37 Dry Desert Oasis. Hurry.
~Sahsha”
I figured the wording was… direct enough. He would understand.
He showed up faster than I expected, breathing hard like he ran the whole way from Silvermoon. The second he saw me standing there in the sand, his eyes lit up with that dangerous little smirk.
“You called for me,” he said, voice low and rough. “I came as fast as I could.”
I could see exactly what he thought this was about. His shoulders were tense, his hands already reaching for me like he was ready to pick up right where we left off in that alley.
I held up one hand, feeling my face burn under the sand and fertilizer on my robes.
“No,” I said carefully, the Common words still clumsy on my tongue. “Not… that. I need you for building. I need an outhouse. A toilet. A proper place to… go. No more squatting on the beach like some kind of animal. Please.”
He blinked. The smirk slowly died.
“You… want me to build you a bathroom?”
“Yes,” I said, trying to sound firm. “I have no proper place. It’s embarrassing. You’re strong with big muscles. Help me make one. Please.”
He let out a long, suffering breath and ran a hand through his hair.
“You’re killing me, Sahsha.”
I gave him my best tired-mom look. “You’re Alliance and I’m Horde. This is already complicated enough. I’m not… ready for more complicated things right now. But I do need the outhouse. Badly.”
He muttered something that sounded like a curse in Common, but he still rolled up his sleeves and got to work. He spent the next hour dragging lumber and stacking stones. He kept giving me these long, heated looks every time I bent over to check on my plants. I pretended not to notice.
When we finally stepped back, it was… well, it was an outhouse. Crude. Functional. But it had a door. And a seat. And no lizards watching me.
Ardan wiped sweat from his brow and looked at me with the most pitiful expression I have ever seen on a human.
“So… that’s it?” he asked, voice a little hoarse. “You really just needed me for construction?”
I nodded, trying not to smile. “Yes. Thank you. You’re… very good with your hands. For building, I mean.”
He groaned. Actually groaned.
“You’re going to be the death of me, priest.”
He lingered for a moment like he was hoping I might change my mind. I didn’t. I just gave him a small, awkward wave and said, “Safe travels.”
He left with the most defeated set of shoulders I have ever seen.
I waited until he was gone, then locked myself inside my brand-new (very ugly, very necessary) outhouse and let out the longest, most relieved sigh of my entire life.
I still can’t believe I did that.
But Light help me… I have self-control today.
Barely.
~Sahsha
(Tired Disc Priest, Professional Babysitter of the Sin’dorei, Reluctant Returnee… and Now Proud Owner of the World’s Most Necessary Outhouse)