Today I’d like to share with you my latest tag cloud typography. I’ve done a number of these for fellow bloggers in order to refine my skills. I’m open to constructive criticism so I can improve.
Tag Cloud of I Have Touched The Sky. Inspired by Enkeling.
Tag Cloud of Psynister’s Notebook.
Tag Cloud of Inquisitor’s Roadhouse.
These are all done in ink on marker paper.
I lost my journal.
I don’t understand. I had it in my pack. Maybe it got mishandled while I was transferring bags through the bank yesterday. I know we’ve accepted Goblins as part of the Horde now, but I really don’t trust the grubby-handed little cretins. I’m not saying one of them took it, but who really knows. It seems like I somehow end up with less in my bags each time I retrieve them from the bank. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see them ‘confiscating’ some of my items to cover their ‘overhead’ costs.
I don’t know what they’d want with a beat up old tome, though. Its only value is to me. It’s the only thing I have from my father: A chronicle of adventures he likely never expected his daughter to see. I only started writing in it five years ago. Before that I guess I was too afraid I might damage the memory somehow, but it seemed a shame to let all the blank pages go to waste.
All my blood, sweat, and tears poured out onto those pages, lost somewhere out there in this big, bad world, totally vulnerable and wide open for someone to find. At least I didn’t leave my name in there anywhere, and my father always used a made up name, like he was writing some crazy story. It’s been less than a day and I already miss thumbing through the time-hardened pieces of parchment strung together with leather cording and his haphazard penmanship.
I guess I should look at this whole thing as a fresh start. Maybe it was cursed from the beginning. Writing in the journal of a dead man does have its drawbacks, after all.
And it’s not like losing a silly journal is ever going to put me in any real danger. I once lost my hearthstone – now that was an ordeal! You never realize how much you depend on a quick route home until you lose it, and of course I lost mine in the middle of a swamp, surrounded by two-ton crocodiles and muck-beasts. And if that wasn’t bad enough, a few Alliance soldiers found me and thought they’d have some laughs at my expense.
Once I finally got back to the city and begged for a new hearthstone – after taking a good, long bath – I didn’t dare let the thing out of my sight, and you can bet I haven’t lost it since.
I’m sitting here on my usual spot, on the roof of the Auction House in the Valley of Strength. Ogrimmar is dirty as hell; dust and embers everywhere. It’s been over a year since the attacks and this place still looks like Deathwing just dropped by. Even the air is dirty. I have to get about 300 yards from the enclosure to breathe in fresh air, and that’s only if the wind is blowing favorably. The small waterfall next to me is peaceful, but it offers little relief. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with this city at all.
But I can’t leave. This is my home. I love this spot. I love watching the people below as they hustle and bustle about their daily lives. I love seeing the crowds of people that just hang around outside the Auction House, showing off and posturing. I have no idea what they are doing down there. Are they talking? Resting? Trading? They don’t seem to have much in common; just a bunch of Orcs, Trolls, Tauren, and other Elves standing around. Oh, and the occasional Goblin if they’re not blocked by someone taller. Once in a while they might jump or bust out in a dance. And there’s always hugging. Lots of hugging. It makes me wonder if all of these people haven’t just poured out from the Tavern.
Fights don’t seem to break out in the streets, which I guess is good. Occasionally some overly-ambitious idiot will pick a fight with the Tauren from the inn, but that never ends very well. I guess the guards are quick to put a stop to violence, though I never see them really doing much of anything. Mostly they just stand around. Sometimes they’ll give directions to some poor, lost soul.
At least the patrol above gives some security, protecting the city from air strikes. Deathwing was an exception; one of the few times this canyon has seen real darkness. I can still remember his wings blocking out the sun. At least it got noticeably cooler with him circling around. Until he set the whole place on fire, of course. But it’s always bright as fuck out here. And hot. Blessed Light, the heat. Sometimes I swear I can see steam coming off the rocks.
I feel so out of place here. It’s filthy and I don’t know anyone. I guess I could go back to Silvermoon, but that’s not really my home, either. The new city they built… it’s too pristine. Like they’re trying to forget the attacks ever happened. Every spire, every arch is just another lie. And it’s not like I know anyone there, either. At least here I can talk to the Matron. And my boys.
I can’t leave them. Who would take care of them if I didn’t drop by? I know the Matron is in charge of their safety but she has at least ten other kids to watch at all times, and I just worry. I told them to be careful who they trust, but I know they’re still friendlier than they should be, and they go places that aren’t safe. Every time I go away, I think about them wandering the streets without shoes, begging for scraps, going to bed cold and hungry.
They ask me why I can’t be their Mommy – even the Matron has asked me to adopt them – but I’m just not Mommy material. I care for them, and it breaks my heart to think that they want for anything. But I just can’t take them in. My duties keep me in harm’s way, and that’s not the sort of life children should be raised around. I don’t want them to know the pain that I knew, losing a parent at such a young age, not really understanding why.
I don’t want them to end up alone years later with some old journal being the last memory they have. Some old journal they inevitably lose, because that’s just the way things work around here.
Nothing lasts forever.
I’ve mentioned several times that games like WoW allow us to be the best version of ourselves. While it’s easy to lose yourself in a virtual world that can bring you great friendships, great relationships, and amazing accomplishments, at least you’re striving to be better; to do good and give back to the community that’s embraced you.
But the same isn’t true for everyone, is it?
I hate to be cynical about it, but I think for every one person who wants to leave a good impression there’s someone else out there who just wants to be a complete and utter dick, mostly because they can. John Gabriel of Penny Arcade lovingly dubbed this the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, basically stating that a normal, everyday person, when given complete anonymity and an audience via the internet, will turn into a total asshat.
In general, we tend to label these people as trolls; those ill-tempered, ugly creatures hurling insults from the shadowed safety of a bridge. They strive to bring out the worst in everyone around them, baiting gamers, forum-goers, and casual browsers alike. Usually they’ll go after the most passionate, adding in their inflammatory remarks that contribute absolutely nothing to the discussion as a whole, just in hopes of getting a rise.
So why do they do it?
Some people like to compare it to what happens when you’re in a car. There’s a huge hunk of steel between you and everyone else, so you feel comfortable doing and saying things you definitely wouldn’t try otherwise. But I don’t know how accurate this is. Road rage is caused more by stress than by a lack of consequences and a certain amount of anonymity, and I just don’t know how much stress contributes to the actions of your average gaming asshat.
To me, they’re more like schoolyard bullies. And they’re not even the punks that get up in your face and push you around. No, I’d probably compare them to the catty girls from high school. The ones that carefully plan their commentary. They talk about you just loud enough so you can hear, but obscurely enough that they can still make you look like an idiot if you confront them. They operate under the cover of being sickeningly sweet and inclusive; meanwhile every word is honed into a finely-crafted barb with some nefarious double meaning.
And worst of all, they’re protected. They’re protected by an administration that would rather turn its back on student disputes. They’re protected by rich daddies who make every problem their little princess stumbles into go away. They’re protected by fair-weather friends who surround them like a shield because they know they could just as easily be in your place.
But the thing about those girls…
They never seem to be all that happy. Their power is fragile and they’re always grasping at it, just to keep their head above water. I remember some girls who were just craving attention however they could get it. And of course the girls who had such a poor self image that they ripped everyone else to shreds because they saw the same flaws in themselves.
Maybe I’m thinking too deeply on it, but it seems like internet trolls and asshats aren’t that different from those manipulative bullies. They’re unhappy, so they enjoy tearing apart the happiness of others. They’re bored and lonely, so they do everything in their power to draw attention to themselves. And maybe some of them – like the ones in a Battleground who slam everyone else – are turning their frustrations into piss and vinegar because it’s easier than fixing their own mistakes.
And again, they’re protected by the system. Their privacy is usually left intact. If you’ve been to the official forums lately you’ll see that some of them are even revered, especially on server forums. Just like the army of ‘friends’ in high school, they congregate around the biggest dick possible because they know what will happen if they’re on the other side.
Of course, we’re told time and again not to feed the trolls, just like we were told to ignore the bullies in school. I just don’t know how much it helps in either case. While they may not get the attention they’re seeking, they’re still spurred on by anonymity and lack of consequences. Trolls will start new flamewars. Bullies will find a new victim to swarm.
I guess all we can really worry about is our own actions, and I think being the best version of ourselves in these games means not taking the bait from asshats, no matter how tempting it might be.
How have you dealt with trolls in the past? Do you think there’s any way to fight back against them, or is it really best to just walk away and let them talk themselves into a poor reputation?
Today I’d like to share another WoW Couples story with you, this one from the lovely Veroicone. While many couples meet through online games like World of Warcraft, there are very few who have faced the hardships set before Veroicone and her significant other. This is truly an inspirational story of love overcoming tremendous obstacles and I’m so glad to be able to present it here:
I’ve been a Warcraft player for many years (since 2007) and although I enjoy the game itself (who doesn’t love taking down the bad guy or attacking other players?) I’ve always been a huge fan of the social aspect of the game. I have made many, many friends through playing this game and have many friends who have met their significant other through the game. In fact, if I never played WoW I would have never met my boyfriend.
We met almost 2 years ago through a mutual friend in the game. Long story short we ended up talking more and more. What first started as battle.net friends turned into facebook friends, exchanging cell phone numbers for texting, and followed by frequent 1 hour+ long phone calls. Eventually feelings got involved after talking for several months. Long story short again feelings were admitted and the words “boyfriend and girlfriend” were thrown into play. Shortly after this wonderful guy that I was falling for, was diagnosed with cancer before his 23rd birthday. We had been “officially” a couple for barely a week. Throughout his treatment we always had one thing we could to together, and of course that was play video games (specifically, World of Warcraft). Whether we were pvping, leveling new toons, or running dungeons together it brought us both into this magical world where his cancer was not the first thing on our minds. In November he came to visit for a week, after he started his first set of treatment.
Fast forward to a few months after he was cleared of his cancer and moved to Florida to be with me. Some people probably think we rushed things but considering we went through something most couples do not go through until they’ve been married for 20+ years it didn’t seem too fast for us. We’re still together over a year later now and we both still play World of Warcraft together. It’s one thing that we can do together and still enjoy no matter what is going on in our lives. Living in the same house certainly makes playing the game a lot easier together though, haha. We are not stupid and know that one day his cancer will be back, and when that day comes we will still have this wonderful game to enjoy together and to escape from our “real world” troubles.
Friends will come and go both in the game and out, same with relationships of the romantic kind. But in the end you always have the wonder game to play, and whether you’re playing it with online or offline friends the social aspect of the game can be one of the best experiences someone can go through. So it’s safe to say, World of Warcraft has had a pretty huge positive effect on my life.
Thanks
- Veronica / Veroicone
http://outofmana.me
Follow Veroicone on Twitter
Thank you for sharing your story with me, Vero! I wish you and your boyfriend health, love and happiness, as well as the strength to get through the tough times ahead, and the wisdom to savor the good.
6 years ago today. 6 years and about an hour ago I walked into that dreaded hospital. I was very hopeful. I had faith. I truly believed she was going to be better. I never felt so right about something. But no.
The doctors pulled me into a special room, a room I hadn’t been in before. There were many other doctors in the room. Pretty much every doctor that had been involved in our nightmare were there.
I knew she wasn’t going to make it when the doctor said, “When someone asks you how many children you have, you will always say 2.” I knew what he meant. And I lost it. I don’t feel like reliving the nightmare today, so I’ll end the story there.
Instead, I’ll share a poem.
I miss you baby girl.
Hugs, kisses, and high-fives,
Mommy
These notes are on Zelyx’s Skill Capped video, Game Awareness & Positive Mindset, told from a Disc Priest point of view for Arena. I applied these notes in our matches last night by calling out that I had my teammates when someone was at less than 50%. “I got you after I break out of this stun.” I also glanced at our enemies’ frames more often, specifically their trinket timers. It sounds miniscule but training my eyes to glance there is a pretty big milestone for me. Acting as the team’s cheerleader… did that too! “Go go go, you got this!” as I lay there dead, watching the rest of the match. Some we won and some we lost, but staying positive through it all sure does make it more fun.
And here’s another set of Sketch Notes done on Zelyx’s other video on Skill Capped, “Effective Life Grips, Inner Focus & Armor Usage.”
Skill Capped Video by Ashman: “Shadow – How To Do Damage”
People around here call me Jedi. I call myself Zee.
It’s hard not to correct them, you know. I don’t really feel like a Jedi. I feel like I’m trapped. Like I’m me, but not. I tell them what they want to hear, and not what I actually think. I’ve gotten really good at that, because that’s what I’m supposed to be. Humble. Demure. There is no emotion, there is peace…
Oh, what the hell. Nobody’s going to see this recording anyway. And if they tuck it away in a holocron for some poor Padawan to see after I’m dead, well, maybe it’ll be good for them. Maybe they’ll understand why I feel this way. All this potential and not a damn thing to do with it except run around and fetch this, that, and the other.
They’ve got me holed up in a flat on the Senate Plaza. All expenses paid. They even threw in the rumbling and whirring and incessant beeping of the air traffic zooming by my window at all hours of the day and night. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. It’s definitely a different life than what I’m used to. People see the Lightsaber and they either want to kiss my ass or avoid me completely.
I think I’d probably prefer the latter, though I can see how the Sith get off on it. It does make you feel powerful for a few seconds. Until you realize they just want to use you like everyone else.
Don’t get me wrong. What I’m doing is important. When Master Yuon got sick I figured that was it for me. She was the only one who ever stuck up for me in that stuffy Council room. I don’t know why she believes in me, but she does. Now she’s losing her mind, and somehow everyone thought it would be a good idea for me to save her. Not a Jedi Master, but a newly-appointed Jedi who didn’t spend nearly enough time as a Padawan.
No pressure or anything.
I do have someone to help me. Or something. I don’t know. Master Yuon explained it, but I still don’t know what the hell it actually is. A Tran… something. Honestly it just looks like a giant lizard. Like if a rill started eating everybody in a ten mile radius.
He speaks in his own language that I only half understand. And even when I get the translation, I don’t know what he actually means. He likes hunting. And killing. And honor. Sounds like he’d be easy to figure out, but he pretty much hates every word that comes out of my mouth, whether I’m trying to be a good, proper Jedi or whether I slip up and just be myself.
He didn’t say a word to the tenth incompetent local today who lost their datapad in gang territory and begged me to retrieve it. I wonder how he’d feel if I told them to just fuck right off.
When he’s not stepping on me or getting in my way or staring at me stupidly while I kill something by myself, he’s asking me what it’s like to be a Jedi. What it’s like to see the things Jedi see; to be bound to the Force and everything in it.
I tell him it’s a lot to take in.
The truth is I don’t have a clue. I don’t see the things the other Jedi see, apparently. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m not a Master, or because I just really don’t belong here. Like I said. All the potential and the flashy powers.
But I don’t feel like any more a Jedi than the lizard.
Done on regular drawing paper using Pilot Precise V5 Pen, Crayola colored pencils, and Sharpie Accent Highlighter. You can watch the original video here:
How To Play Priest Warrior in 2v2 Arena
Original video:
Skill Capped Video: Disc Priest Multitasking (In Arena) by Craze
Done on regular drawing paper with Pilot Precise V5 Pen and Crayola Colored Pencils.
I’m lovin these Skill Capped videos. Last night I respecced my Disc Priest to mimic that of Craze and applied what I learned in one of his videos. Because of that, I noticed a big difference with my efficiency in Arenas. Here are my sketch notes from yesterday. Sketching and drawing really helps the info to sink in.
Again, I want to stress that these sketch notes aren’t meant to replace watching valuable Skill Capped videos. My notes are just a small portion of what I’m learning. In addition, I sometimes don’t note tips and strategies that I already use and apply, but may not be obvious to others. So I highly recommend checking out their site!
As you guys know, my main does alot of PvP and has been focusing on Arena the past few months. A few days ago, my arena partner told me about Skill Capped. I went ahead and became a member so that I could get access to their World of Warcraft PvP instructional videos and articles. For the cost of a couple lattes it was worth a shot and I looked at the $5 monthly fee as an investment.
After watching my first video, Dealing with Melee by Disc Priest Craze, I felt what I learned was worth the $5 already. What I love about these videos is that Skill Capped goes through the video step by step, analyzing moves, breaking things down into small pieces so that someone like me, (noob), could understand. What good is a youtube video of someone fighting in Arena when everything is moving so damn fast and they’re not even explaining what they are doing?
Anyway, writing sketch notes is a way for me to really get stuff to sink in and to help me retain the information long after I’ve learned something for the first time. The sketch notes below are of one of Craze’s videos and I decided to share it here. I want to stress that these sketch notes aren’t meant to replace watching valuable Skill Capped videos. My notes are just a small portion of what I learned. So I highly recommend checking out their site!
This was done on paper with my son’s Crayola colored pencils and scanned. I’m obviously not an artist or have a talent for illustration! But I’ve been having a lot of fun on Draw Something so really excited about adding the WoW icons. I hope to one day be good enough to draw fighting stick figures!
For the past few weeks, I just haven’t felt like myself. It’s not that I’ve been particularly antisocial, but I began to dread the idea of interacting with new people or getting myself into unfamiliar situations. And meeting new people and trying new things is such an important part of my life and my business that I knew I couldn’t keep feeling that way. So I sat down and had a chat with Dr. L about it…
Me: I’m not sure why, but I’ve had the hardest time getting outside lately. Even if it’s just to go to the store. It’s the weirdest thing; I can’t get motivated to do anything that requires me to be out in public. Picking my son up from school is a big deal, too. I do it because I have to, but I really dread it. And it’s not because I’m lazy. At home I clean and do chores like crazy.
Doc: So it sounds like it’s not due to fatigue or depression. What’s this block you’re talking about?’
Me: I have no idea. I don’t want to talk to people, I don’t want people talking to me; I don’t want anyone to even LOOK at me. If D is with me I can go out and do anything. As long as he’s by my side, I have no problems. But it’s doing things by myself… just talking about it is making me flustered.
Doc: I can see that. I can see you’re blushing… Tell me, when you were in school were you always in the back, never raised your hand and dreaded the teacher calling on you?
Me: Yes!
Doc: And it wasn’t because you aren’t bright and didn’t know the answer. In fact you’re probably extremely bright but your teachers didn’t know it because you never spoke up in class.
Me: You’re totally right.
Doc: In business meetings you probably never spoke up even if you had a brilliant idea, because you were thinking: “What if I say the wrong thing?” or “What if they make fun of me because I say something stupid?”
Me: Yep, been there. And I’ve found it very hard to pick up the phone to do business-related stuff these past couple weeks. I’d much rather email. I can get on the phone, but not without a cigarette. But I’m an introvert. Don’t all introverts feel this way?
Doc: No. This is beyond introvert/extrovert. I’m an introvert and I don’t have those fears you’re talking about. What you’re describing sounds like social anxiety. It’s characterized by intense fear in social situations. To some it only occurs in new, unfamiliar social situations.
Me: I’m scared I might say the wrong thing and then replay the words over and over in my head. But I also say: “It’s okay. In a week you’re probably not going to remember you said that stupid thing. And most likely that other person has already forgotten you said that stupid thing.”
Doc: Right. People with social anxiety have this fear of being judged by others and a fear of being embarrassed and humiliated.
They're all gonna laugh at you!
So the doc went on about it, describing my past few weeks to a T. I told him I didn’t want to be on any more medication; that I wanted to try and tackle this on my own and find other tools to help me, especially since I’m already on bipolar medication to stabilize my moods and I feel like a zombie at times.
And perhaps most frustrating to me, the situation he described doesn’t ALWAYS happen. I’m not always curled in a ball of anxiety, dreading the world around me. Some days I’m perfectly social. I’ve gotten up on stage and spoken in front of hundreds of people before with no problem! I’ve done motivational talks to small groups. I’ve competed in jiujitsu tournaments with hundreds of people watching me. I used to have a job that required me to meet new people every day. Some days it’s not even anxiety, but fatigue or depression that keeps me from interacting. But when it does happen, it seems as crippling and restrictive as any other mental disorder. So I might take his advice and seek group therapy. I’m kind of looking forward to putting myself in a group with other people that feel the same things I do.
Because I do like making new friends. I do like getting to know people. I like to be present and authentic and share my stories and listen to others. I like to show compassion and be a good listener. That’s ultimately what I’m most passionate about: Helping others. But how can I do any of that if I’m limited by this thing called social anxiety?
Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if not for this occasional block. I wonder how far I could have taken my businesses if not for the fear of speaking.
So I guess I’ve always had social anxiety. But when I’m hypomanic–and only when I’m hypomanic–I can speak to people no problem. Now I’m on medication that prevents me from seesawing into a hypomanic state and the one bit of armor I had is stripped away, revealing the anxiety underneath.
It wasn’t really good news. Knowing there are apparently several layers to my mental health is always going to be a challenge as I cut through each of them one by one. But just knowing means I can recognize that I’m not being lazy or purposefully anti-social. It makes sense to me.
And it gives me another justification for my intense love of World of Warcraft. I can be social. I can think about my responses and mitigate the fear of putting my foot in my mouth. I can laugh out loud and not be afraid of sounding stupid to anyone. I can greet new people without instantly thinking they’re judging me. I can contribute my thoughts to a guild chat discussion without worrying about what other people might think.
But this also explains why I sometimes have a hard time speaking up in Vent, even with guildies. Even though I know they’re all super cool and for the most part drunk or at least buzzed and won’t remember that stupid thing I said or the stupid way I said it. There’s just this underlying fear that holds me back from saying what I want to say, even if it’s on the tip of my tongue.
It might also explain my recent Arena frustrations. I want so badly to be good at it. My teammates say I’m doing great. But there’s still this thing in the back of my mind that believes they’re lying. They just can’t tell me how much I suck to my face. They talk behind my back about that thing I did where I fucked up and lost us the match and how much they hate me and the world is coming down and it’s all my fault… Yeah. Do you hear how redonk this is? It’s so totally irrational and I’m smart enough to know that. But there’s just that SOMETHING that lingers within, telling me I’m the root of every problem imaginable.
The sad thing is, there’s a shred of truth here; I’m at least partially responsible for our record. While we win more than we lose, almost every one of our losses can be chalked up to lack of communication. Could it have something to do with my half of the team being too afraid to say anything on Vent?
And my Arena partner… Light bless his patient soul… Listen up @ShifteaIRL (And @KrisstinaWoW when we do 3s): I’m pledging right here and now to communicate better! I know we’ve already made strides toward it. On Friday after each match we talked in Vent and evaluated what went right and what went wrong, and we’ve already gotten a lot better! (Could be that he’s running a DK instead of the Warrior… not sure).
I want to be able to communicate at the highest point of stress when it matters the most. Because I’m a damn good disc priest. Okay, maybe not damn good. But I’m not shitty. I’m that annoying priest in BGs that you can’t kill (unless you’re a rogue). I’m that “Shoo pally! Go be efficient! Help get your flag back and stop wasting your time trying to kill me! Or if killing me is really THAT important to you, come back with some friends” priest.
I may be good. But I want to be great. I’m talking 2200+!
I have decided to tackle this on my own. I don’t want it to limit me. I don’t want to be held down by anything. This isn’t a passive affliction I’m going to let rule my life. This is a challenge I can conquer just like any other.
Funny how the “thing” that’s been holding me back… was myself.
If you have symptoms similar to the ones I’ve described— symptoms that have kept you from doing the things you want to do in life—please at least check out the links below and speak to a doctor. Life doesn’t have to be this way. We deserve better.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/define.html
*Photos from http://www.trialx.com and http://www.anxietycounseling solutions.com
